No-strings-attached, FWB, FuBu—whatever you call it, entering and navigating this setup in your 20s can be confusing.
I saw a tweet that said, “Your 20s are for finding a stable relationship.” At this age, navigating the complexities of relationships—whether platonic or romantic—is confusing enough; adding feelings and emotions to the mix makes it feel like you’re wandering an endless maze. It gets even more confusing when a relationship is both platonic and romantic—like a “friends with benefits” (FWB) or “fuck buddies” (FuBu) situation, which involves no attachments but also steamy meetups.
There’s nothing wrong with exploring your sexuality and agreeing to be in a no-strings-attached relationship. After all, you’re in your 20s—you’re young, so much is happening all at once, and a few hot encounters wouldn’t hurt. However, like all relationships, an FWB setup needs maintenance—you need to set boundaries, build trust, and know what you’re getting into.
An FWB setup offers the bliss of a regular romantic relationship without the need to fully commit. However, it can also end badly, especially if boundaries aren’t set and feelings go unchecked. To help you (and me) better understand and navigate FWB relationships, we reached out to relationship experts to answer some key questions about the setup.
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Relationship Navigators
We reached out to Alex and Em Pedron of Stories After Swipe Right, a relationship podcast that helps their listeners navigate online dating and the various types of relationships they encounter. Alex and Em are certified relationship coaches, recognized by the International Association of Professional Coaches. They help people build stronger relationships through their training in the Gottman Method.
Committed to guiding both singles and couples, they aim to foster greater romance, passion, and intimacy through their coaching programs. They firmly believe that with the right approach, mindset, and dedication to self-improvement and relationship growth, success in love can come naturally.
How do you define a “friends with benefits” or “fuck buddies” set up?
Em: Fuck Buddies, “FUBU” or Friends with Benefits. This is a non-monogamous, non-committed relationship where physical intimacy is central, but emotional intimacy is intentionally limited. It’s a relationship built on mutual consent and clear expectations, ideally.
In short, walang label, may laban. Pero hindi puso ang puhunan, dapat utak muna (in short, there’s no label, but there’s still a fight. But it’s not the heart that should be invested, it should be the mind first). It’s not inherently dysfunctional, but it requires mature emotional regulation to function healthily.
Alex: Realistically-speaking, the setup is defined however you and your fuck buddy define it! There isn’t just one way to go about this type of relationship. The most important parts here are communication, setting expectations and boundaries, and leaving almost nothing to assumption. This radical honesty will help to clear feelings of awkwardness and unsteadiness in the relationship since both people will know what to expect, and what they’re allowed to do and not do. It pinpoints exactly what benefits are being given and received.
What do you think are the pros and cons of this setup?
Em: Of course, there are a lot of benefits din sa ganitong setup (in this setup). It offers a space for sexual exploration without the pressures of romantic commitment. It can also meet important human needs for touch and connection (oxytocin release, hello) while maintaining personal autonomy. If both parties communicate well, it can be a mutually satisfying setup.
Alex: The biggest risk is emotional incongruence or one person developing feelings while the other does not. Ambiguity in expectations can trigger attachment insecurity or resentment. Conflict avoidance is common in an FWB relationship, which erodes trust over time.
Plus, relationship experts stress the importance of turning toward each other emotionally; FWB setups often discourage this emotional bid. Minsan nga, kahit cuddle wala (Sometimes you don’t even get to cuddle).
What are the usual reasons people willingly enter this type of setup?
Em: There are a lot of motivations here, especially, it can also vary from person to person, and our different values and upbringings. But we’ll cite a few:
Avoidant attachment styles: People who find intimacy overwhelming might prefer setups with low emotional stakes.
Post-breakup healing: “Rebound” behavior to fill the emotional/physical void.
Life season realities: Career focus, personal healing, or academic priorities can make romance impractical.
Sexual self-discovery: Exploring pleasure and boundaries in a “safe” container.
Something like, “Di pa ako ready magmahal ulit, pero ready na akong mahalin… ng katawan lang.” (I’m not yet ready to be in a relationship, but I’m ready to be physical with someone). Or explore and have fun without the commitment of a defined romantic relationship.
Alex: Also, curiosity. Adding more depth and layers to one’s character by having explored one’s sexuality and unique needs (A.K.A fetishes, lol). Sensual convenience without the demands of a romantic relationship. Ego-boosters. Loneliness. Dissatisfaction or boredom with life. A form of intimacy and closeness with another human being… madami pa (and many more). But these are the most prominent.
What is the most important tip you can give to people who are in or planning to be in such a setup?
Em: Clarity is kindness. Before anything physical, establish a shared mental model. Define what this is and what it’s not. Use what relationship experts call a “State of the Union” conversation. What are the expectations? What happens if feelings change? How often do we check in emotionally?
Because intimacy without emotional literacy is a recipe for unspoken resentments. ‘Wag mong i-assume na pareho kayo ng iniisip (Don’t assume that you’re both thinking of the same thing). Always be on the same page, otherwise, it will be bound to hurt one or both of you. Sabi nga nila sa ganitong setup, “Ang maunang mainlove, talo.” (In this setup the first person to fall in love loses.)
Alex: Do it safely. Get tested. Both of you. Before and during (in case the FWB relationship is not exclusive). Be open with each other and share your test results. Make each other feel physically and emotionally safe. Do a background check on your person. Get to know them before actually getting to know them. You don’t want to be in bed with a creep. That’ll make your FWB experience quite horrifying.
When is the best time to end it?
Em: You know it’s time to end it when there’s a shift in emotional investment that’s not mutual. Or when it starts interfering with your self-esteem or mental clarity. Yung palagi ka nang nag-ooverthink about your setup. (When the setup makes you start overthinking.)
It’s also a good time to end it when jealousy becomes a recurring theme. This lets you know that you may be developing an even deeper emotional connection with your partner than intended. Or, most importantly, when the cost outweighs the benefit: physically, emotionally, or energetically. Sometimes, letting go is an act of emotional maturity, not failure. Pag nagiging “situationship” na with no direction, it’s time to exit the group chat. (When it starts to become a situationship with no direction, it’s time to exit the group chat.)
Alex: It’s important to talk with your FWB about when the relationship has to go on a complete halt (e.g., when one person enters a romantic relationship). Or when one simply just isn’t feeling it anymore, or is too distracted. The worst is when your privacy is being invaded (e.g., consistent social media stalking and harassment, or rumor spreading or boasting with mutual connections). And in most cases, discretion is needed for this setup to work in harmony. If one of you stops valuing that discretion, then it won’t work. A good FWB relationship is one where you can exit as quickly as you went in, with no hard feelings or drama.
How do you navigate such a setup in your 20s?
Em: Your 20s are a decade of experimentation and shaping your concept of self, which means it’s totally valid to explore setups like this if you do so intentionally. Know your attachment style, it’s your emotional blueprint.
Check in with yourself often (i.e., “Am I still okay with this?”). Prioritize sexual health, emotionally and physically. And remember: Casual doesn’t mean careless.
Alex: Explore your sexuality! Revel in it. Be honest with yourself about it. Everyone deserves to know themselves fully, sex included. But protect your mental health, too. Know when and who to say no to. Learn how to demand respect and enforce boundaries. Come from a strong place of grounding, curiosity, and confidence in your approach to your sex life. Don’t be unsteady and look for an FWB to fill the voids within that only you can fill. That’s unfair to the other person.
Discover what you like and don’t like in bed. Practice and learn to be spectacular at satisfying the pleasures that revolve around the sacredness of sex for yourself. And before anyone can even attempt to match your freak, you’ve got to know how freaky you can actually get first. Also, wear a condom, ya horny bastards!
In your 20s, you’ll meet people who want fun, love, healing, chaos, and sometimes, they all look the same. Trust your gut. Ask yourself, “Does this align with who I am and what I want? Am I getting to know myself better? What am I learning? Do I feel safe? Is this healthy for me? Am I still having fun, or am I ready for something more now?” Having these tough but honest conversations with yourself will help you navigate your relationships better.
Banner photo via Getty Museum Collection.
